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We had some highs and lows during those early years of marriage. We had spent a good bit of time apart rather than together due to military training and schools. When D ended up in a position where he wouldn’t be gone a lot, we looked forward to having more family time together. It wasn’t long after we arrived at the new duty station when 9/11 happened which changed our lives once again. While he didn’t deploy right away, he did work long hours due to his job.
In time, we would face our first deployment that sent him to the sandbox. At that time, communication was not good as the infrastructure in country hadn’t been set up yet. We certainly weren’t communicating on a regular basis which was hard. We both were hearing horror stories from other spouses about cheating, misusing power, missing funds, and much more. We really had to learn to trust each other even when the world was telling us that a spouse couldn’t be trusted when they were away – especially for months at a time.
Slowly, we watched people (both military and civilian) separate and go through divorces. Seeing this happen to even seemingly strong couples made our resolve to have a strong marriage even firmer. We had a couple of couples in our lives that had really strong marriages. One particular couple went through the trial of cancer. Eventually, years later, she ended up losing that battle, but her husband was there, loving her to the very end. (He’s now happily married again which is what she would have wanted for him.) They were a good example of making things work even in the most difficult of times.
Note to D: Trust is extremely important. The military actually teaches not to give trust to your spouse because of everything that happens. Trust is a result of working together; it’s not something that comes naturally. You have to work on trust. Trust is developed through communication, working through struggles, through everything you do together. Most important is communication and desire to support each other. Without these things, there will be no trust established. If we understand our shortfalls as a person, then we can establish limits on the trust. We can establish accountability procedures to help each other. (ie: If one spouse has issues with spending, then they wouldn’t be in charge of the finances.) We all have weaknesses, so we have to set ourselves up for success through prior planning.
We’ve been blessed with several good examples in our life including D’s grandparents. I know they didn’t always have a great relationship, but they stayed together. Later in life, they always walked hand-in-hand, and you could see the love in their eyes. They wanted to spend a lifetime together, and they did until grandpa passed away. It was a beautiful example of growing old together and a real encouragement to us.
One of the things that we learned was important was making sure that we encouraged each other, lifted each other up. While we didn’t always have the same interests, we still took the time to spend time with the other person learning about or listening to their hobby/interest. I know that I can accomplish a whole lot more when I have the support of my husband behind me, and he feels the same way about me. He has often said that he appreciates the fact that he doesn’t have to worry about me doing crazy things behind his back. Instead, he can count on me to help him succeed at whatever task was laid before him.
As the years passed, our interests started to come together more. It’s funny how you tend to become more like your spouse the longer you’re married. And yes, we do finish each other’s sentences and call each other at the same time, but we’ve been doing that for many years. We don’t always want to do the same things, but we’re willing to spend time doing other things just to spend time with each other. I’m known to just hang out with D while he’s working on vehicles just so we can talk, and he’s willing to listen to me talk about my latest projects/interests.
Follow Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club, on her journey to find the secrets to a happy, healthy marriage that lasts a lifetime. You can grab a copy here.
Happy Wives Club Our Marriage Series:
- Part 1: The Adventure of a Lifetime 1/1/14
- Part 2: The Value of Commitment and Communication 1/2/14
- Part 3: Priorities 1/3/14
- Part 4: Trust and Encouragement 1/4/14
- Part 5: Faith 1/5/14
- Part 6: It’s the Little Things That Matter 1/6/14
- Part 7: Happy Wives Club Book Review 1/7/14
