It’s hard to believe that it’s been 16 years since I said goodbye to my mom. I was 20 years old and a little over a month away from marrying D. My sister was a little over 2 months away from graduating from high school. Mom was just a shell of her former self, but she still wanted to make it to those important dates. On that morning, as I was talking to her, we let her know that it was okay to let go.
Later that day, my mom went to her heavenly home where she was no longer in pain. I made the medical call and then headed over to the school to get my sister. I remember that slow walk down the hallway to the school office, the waiting for my sister to arrive at the office. She knew as soon as she saw me that mom was gone.
The next few days were a blur as I took care of everything surrounding the viewing and funeral. While mom had made the arrangements ahead of time, some things needed to be changed as they weren’t done right. I remember looking over the obituary where she said that D and I were married. At the time, I was thinking that in her mind D and I were already married. She saw him as her son, so it made sense. Looking back now, although that may have been the case, I have a feeling that she never imagined not living past my wedding and my sister’s graduation. She was stubborn like that.
My mom was not buried near us as my grandma really wanted her buried near her. Since we knew that she would visit on a regular basis, we agreed to this plan.
While the pain of losing my mom is not as raw, I don’t think it’s something that you ever get over. I still have moments where I start to call her, but then I remember that I can’t. I wish that she would have been here to see her grandkids and see my sister and I grow up into adults. There are so many memories that I wish I could have shared with her.
I do have a small blessing that was given to me thanks to a dear co-worker/friend of my mom. Knowing that things were taking a turn for the worse, she scheduled a photo shoot of our family with me in my wedding dress. While mom wasn’t at her top form, I treasure those special photos.
Thank you for sharing with us. I am sorry for your loss at such a young age and I imagine it still hurts. Your Mom was beautiful, with a lovely smile! And stubborn…I bet you got that gene:) hugs.
Heather recently posted..The New Veggie Tales, The Little House That Stood and Giveaway!
Thanks Heather. Yes, I definitely got that stubborn gene as did my daughter. 😉
That is so sweet that you have those photos with her and you in your dress! What a special friend you had that did that!
Thank you for the insight on how it feels 20 years later too. I am at almost 7 for my Mom and 2 for my Dad. On every special occasion (especially milestones for my boys) I wish they were here.
We were blessed to have many people who loved my mom dearly. She really impacted a lot of people in her too short time here on earth.
I think that no matter how much time passes we’ll always want to share those special times with our loved ones. (((hugs)))